Photo used for illustration purposes only. Credit: YorVen
A debate has erupted online after a Kenyan mother shared her family struggle in the popular Facebook group Parenting Teenagers Hub for Kenyan Mums and Dads, seeking advice over growing tension between her son and her boyfriend.
In a post that quickly went viral, the mother said she separated from her ex-husband four years ago and, during that period, never introduced any other man to her children.
However, late last year, she met a man who is six years younger than her, describing him as respectful and very supportive.
The problem began when her 20-year-old son started changing his behaviour. At first, the young man seemed to accept his mother’s decision to start a new relationship, but later began treating her boyfriend as a rival.
The mother explained that she does not bring the man to her house for sleepovers, noting that she is usually the one who visits him as they plan to move into a bigger house together.
She added that her daughter is in boarding school and is rarely at home.
Tensions escalated after the son began making disrespectful remarks about his mother’s boyfriend.
She said her son often blames the man whenever he comes home from work and finds his mother absent, accusing him of “taking her away” from him.
Comments such as “he should never even step here” deeply upset the mother, who said that despite her boyfriend’s efforts to respect boundaries, he continues to face insults and hostility from the young man.
“I hate his behaviour. He works, earns his own money, and is already an adult. If I ask him to move out, will I be wrong?” she asked, adding that she fears being left alone once her children eventually start their own families.
The post has attracted mixed reactions online. Some parents supported the mother, saying she has a right to move on with her life and find companionship.
Others urged her to be patient, advising her to seek dialogue or counselling, arguing that the son may still be emotionally affected by his parents’ separation.
The story has sparked a wider conversation on parenting adult children, setting boundaries, and navigating new relationships after divorce within Kenyan society.
Reactions;
Eva Njoki: I think the son is crossing a boundary he's not supposed to.As long as the man behaves well towards the son,he shouldn't disrespect him coz it's his mothers lover not his.He need to be talked to by someone aelewe his mum ako na life yake and soon hata yeye atakuwa na yake,but still he should be listened coz he might be having a concern that the man has come to exploit what belongs to them (mali yao).
Ekessa: Keep your children away from your dating shenanigans....talking from experience..it's messy ...distance them completely ....that person you met is a stranger ...your kids are your bloodline...keep that in mind and make smart decisions.
Wairimu Regina: Does your man have kids of his own?if yes,how do you think,he should handle the matter?Assume the opposite was to happen....there you got your answer.
Kiage: Hey relax don't move out so quick your Sonos your blood talk to him ask him why does he feel that way in short have a conversation with him.
Faith Christine: You push your 20yr old son away to the world, just for you to be with a man you met the other day..? Seriously..?? Instead, think of how you guys can have a house big enough for him and his privacy. Then sit him down and let him understand that you have your own life to live.
Brendon Mo: Show your son love while he still around because one day he will have family of his own, minding his own business and you will miss him. @20 he still needs your guidance. Huku inje ni kubaya Mama. Please don't regret.