Life in the United States can present immigrant families with difficult choices, especially when relationships break down and children are caught between separated parents.
Custody battles, child support and the challenge of balancing work with parenting can become major sources of tension for families trying to build a life abroad.
US-based Kenyan nurse and entrepreneur Nafula Sharleen has shared her views on the challenges facing separated parents, particularly Kenyan women raising children in the United States.
In a social media post, Sharleen criticised what she described as bitterness among some single mothers, arguing that disagreements between former partners should not prevent fathers from maintaining relationships with their children.
“A man can be a terrible husband, but a good father,” Sharleen said.
She claimed that some women turn children into a weapon against former husbands after painful separations.
«“Madem wakiachana na mabwana USA, wanakuwanga na machungu, that wanataka kupunish huyo Ex wake using kids.”»
Sharleen questioned the circumstances under which some mothers seek full custody, particularly where the children's father remains alive, working and willing to participate in their upbringing.
“Ex wako amekudivorce wewe sio watoto wake,” she said, adding that children should not be treated as a source of financial benefit during separation.
The nurse also addressed child support, arguing that financial responsibility should not be accompanied by the denial of parental access.
«“Full custody for why na owner of half the DNA ako alive and working?” she posed.»
She further claimed that prolonged separation between fathers and their children could have serious consequences for some men.
«“Most men hata wale normal, the moment anakuwa denied access na watoi na analipa child support every month, ataanza kuchizi ama kunywa pombe.”»
Sharleen said the situation could then become more complicated when a father struggling emotionally is portrayed as unsuitable to spend time with his children.
«“Dem akipush chali kwa wall kutumia watoi, chali aanze kuchizi na kuwa alcoholic, anaanza kusema the kids are not safe around their father.”»
She also highlighted the difficulties of raising teenagers without an active father figure, particularly boys. According to Sharleen, parental authority can become harder to maintain as children grow older and become more independent.
«“Raising kids kwa hii country without their dad is a sport,” she remarked.»
Sharleen acknowledged that raising children alone is demanding, especially in the US, where parents face restrictions on leaving young children unattended.
She concluded by urging separated parents to put their children's interests ahead of their disagreements.
«“If a dad wants to be in their child's life, allow him! He was a terrible husband, but it does not mean he is NOT a good father.”»
Her remarks are likely to fuel further debate among Kenyans in the diaspora, particularly over custody rights, child support and the role fathers should play after separation.